


Birds fly in different directions

by TheNextAuthor



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Usagi Yojimbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27172121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNextAuthor/pseuds/TheNextAuthor
Summary: Birds fly in different directions. Maybe those birds are in two dimensions and maybe one bird falls while one is away.  This lone bird is Miyamoto Usagi. This is the story of how this bird dealt with grief and the memories that followed...
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello, readers. This story is a bit out of line with most things I write but still angsty I suppose. This story can be taken to go with the My Immortal series or no. Frankly its up to you. It could fit in some ways, not in others. This little doodle came most likely in the middle of the night and was quite lengthy. It’d be a one-shot if it wasn’t so long. Anyway, enjoy my perspective on Usagi’s grief and his memories that cause it. Let the good times roll!

My kimono sags over my shoulder as I sit atop the palace, peering out over the village below the mountain. My ears droop on either side of my face. I have no desire to tie them up. Below me, Tomoe Ame, Kintaro, Noriyuki and Joratro watch the lanterns float off into the starry night.

I hate those lanterns.

The orange glow fills the sky from villages all across the valley. These lanterns mean one single thing. Love. Maybe respect, too. Sorrow. But mostly love. 

I catch Tomoe Ame looking up at me. I meet here eyes. She gently smiles, tears in the corners of her eyes, and reaches toward me, despite my being on the roof.

I stare at her a bit longer, than stand and move to the other side of the roof, keeping her and the mournful boys out of my view. Once I sit again, I replace my arms inside my kimono and grip my arms tightly. Her words echo in my mind.

“Usagi, let it go. It’s alright.

“Let him go.”

My feet slip under me and my breathe hitches. I have to control my anger. I’m gonna get myself killed. I laugh to myself. Yeah. I could hear it now. Famous Ronin dies from falling off palace roof. That would be me. 

“You bet it would be, Taiyo.” 

“Shut up,” I say through grinded teeth. I hate saying that. It sounds harsh. I spend too much time in New York to no pick it up, though. Or…I used to. 

The wind blows past my ears as if confirming those words. I pull my knees closer and glance down the mountain side. Lantern after lantern floats upward, urging the dead to see them.

He would think this is funny. Lanterns getting sent into space for a demon. I can almost hear him saying it. Almost.

I hear Kintaro yell and the Earth shake from his tantrum. The boy is lost. His hero is gone. Jotaro, I know, is crying and Lord Noriyuki is hiding in the folds of Tomoe Ames kimono…

I sigh and close my eyes. Please…go away…the pain doesn’t. No matter how much I wish.

I hear a crack and I growl. Fireworks. The flashes of red send a tremor through my body. No. I need to block it out. 

I reach down into my sleeve and take out a blue box shaped like a bunny. What did Donatello call it? A cell phone. No matter. As long as it works. It took me years to really figure out ‘technology.’ But now I understand it’s importance. 

I turn the phone on, and choke. My background shows me and Leonardo, arms around each other in front of a tall metal building. He smiles and eyes glow while my mouth is barley turned up and I have sunglasses on. Helpful inventions. I cover the photo immediately, pulling my music up. Modern music confuses me, but it does have good messages…sometimes.

I didn’t care who hears. I don’t care at all. Let them think I have tools of a devil. I can’t take the fireworks. They are too much.

I touch the first song I see. It beeps, then starts playing. It sounds like stomping and clapping for a solid twenty seconds and then words begin. The second I hear them; I know I made a mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This first memory is referencing a one-shot I didn’t publish. To sum up, Leo got hurt protecting Usagi when the Ronin brought them back to his world. They had to kill a bounty hunter, and this is the result of it. Hope you are enjoying so far. It has certainly been a fun time for me! Enjoy. The song is Birds by Imagine Dragons.

Two Hearts  
One valve  
Pumping the blood, we were the flood, we were the body and

Memories come at rapid pace. Its as if time itself stops and lets me review the past without missing a beat of the song. 

That day so many years ago comes first. The day the Kame returned home for the second time. The day I wandered into the unknown….  
*******************************************************************************************************  
“Finally!” Donatello-san yells. “I’m so sick of this dimension!”

Donatello gathers his bo staff and medical gear and heads to the white light. That light shines over me and my friends. Rapheal and Michaelangelo loom over my brother and bend to pick up his bed.

“Wait,” Leonardo says. The two pause, arms dangling. I look away from the portal and down to him. Leonardo’s eyes are locked on mine. He reaches up to me. I take his hand and kneel.

I bow the best I can in that position. “Farwell, my brother. Please, heal well.”

His smile turns sad,” I wish this was different.”

Though I say nothing, he knows I agree. I stand and his brothers take him away. As Raphael and Michelangelo near the portal, Tomoe Ame yells out,” Kame, wait!”

Raphael visibly stiffens. He’s eager to go. I turn to my friend. “Tomoe-“

She lightly pushes me toward the portal. “Go, Usagi. He needs you.”

“Wha-no.” I state, stiffening my feet. “I have a job, Tomoe Ame. I can’t just go-“

She lays a hand on my shoulder, “Usagi, if something happens to him, you will never forgive yourself. Go make sure he heals well.”

I feel like I got punched. How does she know me so well? I look to the awaiting turtles, then back to her. “But, my oath.”

“Hold on,” Kintaro interrupts. “ I got this.” He then begins to glow, taking a meditative stance. He’s there ten seconds before he states,” You’re free to go. There is no immediate danger in the future.”

I feel my frown deepen. “Kintaro, you can’t-“

Tomoe Ame shoves me,” Go, Usagi, it will be alright. I believe the Gods will understand this time.”

I stare at her. She’s not going to let them go until I do. I sigh. She’s right. I won’t live with myself until I know Leonardo heals properly. But would I really leave my own world for this?

I look to Raphael. We meet eyes and he immediately knows. “If you’re coming then hurry up. I don’t have all day.”

Leonardo says something, then Michelangelo howls. They go through the portal and its my turn. I take off my kasa and turn to Tomoe Ame. She takes it from me and smiles. 

“Go. They’re waiting.”

I look to Kintaro. He jumps up and grabs the turtle stones from my sword. “Those we’ll use to get you back,” he states,” And you won’t come back until he’s healed.”

I chuckle. What a strange boy. With the last glance, I turn to the portal and walk to it. This fear is different. It’s excitable and heart racing. I’m going to another world. I never imagined this.

I stop, take a breath and let the light envelope me. I feel my body move in a sickly fashion as if I must vomit, then I step out and the smell alone is enough to knock me out.   
**************************************************************************************  
Two lives, one life  
Sticken out, lettin you down  
Makin it right

I ended up there for two months. Longer than I anticipated. Kintaro managed to stay in touch. I thought he’d never let me come home.

It was a wild time. Their world is so advanced. It took me forever to figure it out. The microwave still hates me, just as the toaster hates Leonardo. I love the fridge. The fridge is genius. Same with the shower. It was hard coming back to lakes and warm food again. 

Electricity, ovens, phones, it was beyond me. Leonardo taught me it all while he was healing. But what I loved the most was the camera. I took one back with me and astounded everyone with it. Capturing a moment with a simple click of a button. It was genius. I hold many pictures and my camera inside the palace. I always have them with me. Always. 

As the next couple words fly by, I remember my second trip to that world. It wasn’t a pleasant one. On the trip I was taking with Leonardo, someone has insulted us, calling us disgusting fore even thinking of getting along. A Kappa ninja and a rabbit Ronin. It was disgusting. I had reacted as if trying to quench my anger. Leonardo saw it differently and went home.

A few days later, I went after him. Rapheal loved every moment of it.   
**************************************************************************************

Michealangelo ducks behind the coach as I approach the kitchen door. Lord Noriyuki laughs at him while Tomoe Ame silently scolds him. I take a deep breath…

And slam the door open…right off it’s hinges…

“LEONARDO!” I shout, also much louder than I meant to.

Donatello screams, dropping his phone with a clatter. Raphael jumps and whirls to me. Both are at the table but I’m focused on the one at the sink.

Leonardo doesn’t even flinch. He turns to me, a nasty look in his eye and a death grip on a dish wand. “Hi, Usagi,” he says bitterly, “you have ten seconds to tell me why you just broke my door.”

I ignore the statement and march to him, also ignoring his brother’s eyes as they follow me. “We need to talk.”

Leonardo turns back to the sink as I stop behind him,” I’m sorry, my ears are not available. Come back at another time.”

“Leonardo, please, I-“

He whips back to me and throws something. Water hits my eyes and fur. I blink, “What the-“

He starts throwing it again, advancing as he does. I see the dish wand in his hand and feel my eyes buldge,” What are you-“

“The power of Christ compels you!” He shouts running me out the door backwards. Water sprays everywhere and Rapheal collapses in laughter.

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe…” He wheezes.

“Leonardo-san, stop!” I growl, trying to grab the wand. Instead, he grabs the broken door and growls:

“Just pretend this is getting slammed in your face.” Then pushes it into the frame blocking me from the kitchen.

I hear Tomoe Ame mutter, “Usagi, maybe we should-“

My anger bursts into gear. For some reason Leonardo can just bring out the worst. I yell and kick the door, sending it across the kitchen. It hits the sink, then hits the floor, just barley missing Leonardo. Raphael howls louder.

I march up to Leonardo who is at the fridge, reaching for the handle, “You listen, Leonardo, I-“

Leonardo slams the fridge door open so fast I don’t get to move before it hits my knees with incredible force. I choke and bend over, my knees burning with pain.

“Oops,” the Kame states,” did I not aim high enough. Darn.” Then he turns, water in hand and moves to the other exit. 

“Heesh, Usagi,” Donatello grunts,” What did you do?”

“Stay out of this, Kappa,” I grunt back.

That gets Leonardo’s attention, “Don’t speak to him that way! Or do we have to bow to your high but and acknowledge the lowly demons we are.”

I stand straight despite the aching in my knees. The Kame stares across the table, eyes dangerous. I say,” That is not at all what I meant, Leonardo-san.”

“Don’t you san me! Don’t think I didn’t see the shame in your eyes, Usagi! Why are you inviting me anywhere if you’re ashamed of me!? You know what, I don’t care. I’m not taking this!”

He then marches to Donatellos work room, his posture very rigid and mad. 

“Leonardo-“

“Leave him alone, long ears, or I’ll pound you myself.”

I don’t even think as I throw my fist at Raphael’s head. The Kappa dodges it and takes it as an invitation to fight. 

I can tell it’s one he’s wanted for a while…  
**************************************************************  
Season, they will change  
Life will make you grow  
Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry

It was a bloody fight. Not even Donatello or Tomoe Ame could separate us. It took a blast of one of Donatellos machines to knock us out. That just made Leonardo even more livid. I wanted to leave. Almost did. I don’t deserve his silent treatment.

But then Michaelangelo told me his brother’s thoughts. They were lowly creatures in New York. Leonardo knew in my world he would be frowned upon for looking like a Kappa and being a ninja. But as long as he had me, he didn’t care. When I flinched away when a store keeper pointed us out, he felt betrayed.

It took a lot of convincing for Leonardo to trust me again. I apologized. It’s all I could do. He eventually turned up. But Raphael was correct when he said Leonardo could hold a grudge like no one else. He truly is a champion.

I flinch.

Is…what is?

Another firework, closer this time so no doubt Jotaro lit it, sends a shiver down my spine. I swallow hard as the next lines play. 

Everything is temporary  
Everything will slide  
Love will never die, die, die

I know that ooh, birds fly in different directions  
Ooh, I hope to see you again

The next memory that flows almost makes me smile. They have a story about a hare and a turtle racing. Michaelangelo told it to me. Proceding the story, he dared me to a race. Leonardo told him to not patronize me. 

I took the challenge, only against him.

We went to the beach that night. We were to run from one side of it to another. I remember the moon was so big and bright. Being by the ocean had felt to normal, digging my toes in the sand. I was in that little grey tunic and blue sweat pants. I had to admit, it was easier to move in that outifit.

Anyway. Leonardo had cheated and pushed me so I had to pump harder to catch him.

This memory is one of my favorites.


	3. Chapter 3

Moonlight glints off the ocean. It shines in my eyes but it doesn’t deter my steps. Our feet pound the sand and kicks it up around us. His brothers, April, Casey and Karai all yell for one of us.

I pump my arms harder, wind tugging at my ears. Leonardo laughs and mimics my movement.

My heart pounds harder as I stretch my capacity. Leonardo keeps pace though and I know that this is going to end in a tie. 

Our footsteps match. We hit the sand at the same time. It’s mazing to just run and for once…not run alone

It hits me then as we cross the made-up finish line. I’m not alone anymore. I really let these animals into my life. These creatures from another time and place have become my family. And as Leonardo and I collapse on the sand, faces toward the stars…I bask in it.

I’m not alone anymore.

I never have to be again.   
**********************************************************************  
Sunsets, sun rises  
Living the dream, watching the leaves  
Changing the seasons

The memory gets interrupted as Jotaro streaks around the building to where I sit, standing under me with wide eyes. His eyes twinkle as fireworks explode. I hope mine are not as obvious.

Jotaro smiles and waves. It’s a pained one. Then I see the tears that mark his face. “I love you.” He calls before charging back from where he came from. I spy the stone turtles in his hand before he disappears. He wants to open the portal. He wants to see him.

One tear slides from my eye. I wipe it away. No. No weakness. 

The next memory catches me off guard and I know I won’t be able to hold up much longer.

Oh, Jotaro…  
*************************************************************************************************   
The kids stop when they see me and Leonardo enter the square, beelining for Kenichi’s place. They are scared of him. Of the Kappa ninja that their parents no doubt warned them about. Leonardo either doesn’t acknowledge the looks or doesn’t notice.

The first person I see is Mariko gardening. Then Jotaro comes barreling out of the house, tripping over his shoes in an urgency to get to me. The boy stops the second he sees my companion.

“That’s your son,” Leonardo asks.

I nod. I have no idea if he sees it.

Mariko turns at Jotaro’s sudden stop. The second she sees Leonardo she screams,” USAGI, WHAT IS THAT!?”

I flinch. I eye Leonardo quickly. I barley catch the shock and hurt pass before his eyes before it disappears.

I quickly say, “Mariko, it’s okay, he’s-“

Kenichi runs out next, also tripping over shoes only to stop when he sees us. His face contorts into fury, raising his sword to attack,” You really are possessed, aren’t you!? How could you bring a Kappa here!”

I try to explain again, “Kenichi, please, stand down-“

Mariko grabs a still stunned Jotaro and shuffles to Kenichi. “We heard you were traveling with a Kappa, Usagi, but we had prayed it was just a rumor.”

“Please,” I repeat,” Let me explain-“

“Wait.” We all stiffen as Leonardo’s word. “I mean no harm. See.”

Leonardo removes his katanas. He keeps his head down in a respectful fashion. He bows, kneels then lays the swords at Kenichis feet. That doesn’t seem to satisfy because Kenichi moves to strike. I reach for my sword, ready to defend.

“Wait!”

We all pause in shock as Jotaro holds up an arm. The boy gazes at Leonardo intently. The Kappa returns the gaze. Then Jotaro says, “He’s good.”

“What?” Kenichi snaps.

“He’s good.” Jotaro says, then pulls away from his mother and hugs Leonardo. We’re all taken back by the gesture. Slowly Leonardo reaches up to hug him back. Jotaro whispers something in his ear and my friend jerks back in surprise. The boy smiles then turns to Kenichi, “Can we have dinner now?”

The simple statement makes me and Mariko snicker. Kenichi surprisingly lets his guard down, but eyes Leonardo the rest of the night. Jotaro skips into the house. I sadle up next to Leonardo and whisper,” What did he say?”

Leonardo’s smile appears, that shine in his eyes holding,” Oh, Usagi, nothing important. Though I gotta say,” he winks, “he’s smarter than you all think he is.”  
*****************************************************************************************************  
It took a long while before I realized what Jotaro had told him. The boy had known all along that I was his father. He’s very good at acting. When I confronted Leonardo about it, he simply said that the boy had said, “Thank you for protecting my father.” He implied he knew. And when asking Jotaro why he told the Kappa, the little one smirked and said Leonardo changed me. He could see it in my eyes.

Leonardo became an uncle to Jotaro. And Jotaro adored Leonardo. He sword fought, played and talked with the Kappa. Mariko would come to me a many a time and asked why Jotaro opened up to Leonardo. I could only shrug and say my brother had three brothers he was in charge of. He was a good listener. 

The day I had to tell Jotaro the news, the boy was excited. Leonardo had promised him a real sword fight the next time he came. Jotaro expected him to be with me. He wasn’t. 

It took a day to get Jotaro out of his room. Even then he said he wouldn’t do anything until he could come with me to Lord Noriyukis palace. Kenichi was livid but allowed it, seeing Jotaro wouldn’t cooperate. 

I glance back behind me, shuffling so I can see my allies. Jotaro sits on the steps to the entrance, a piece of parchment in his hand. 

I sigh. Raphael didn’t want that picture. Said it would do more for Jotaro then it would him. The photo is of Leonardo and Jotaro, one in front of the other, arms crossed and smirks on their faces. They both hold their poses proudly. 

They loved each other immensely.

Some nights I think of you  
Return to the past, wishin it last  
Wishen and dreamin  
***************************************************************************  
“How’d you find two horses?”

I look to Leonardo. It’s his first official trip to this world without the abduction part. I wanted him to see it without all the anger and the malice. It’s my first time back in two months. 

I sneer, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you barley have enough money as it is, let alone enough to buy two horses.”

“Are you calling me poor?”

“I’m calling you Robin Hood, not that you know what that means.”

I frown. He talks in these riddles sometimes and it infuriates me. I look away and decide to ignore his statement. “People are going to look at you funny, Leonardo. They will not trust you easily.”

“Believe me, Usagi, I know the feeling. Don’t worry about it.”

I look at him. Leonardo returns the look, a small smile on his face a now familiar light in his eye. It comes when he’s happy. It’s rare, which I also find interesting. I wonder what his mind holds that I can’t understand. 

I find myself smiling as well. The look between us dwindles long after it’s done. The trip goes smoothly much to my surprise. We sleep under the stars and I reminisce of our days at the farmhouse. He shared his world with me, now I can do the same. 

That look happens again and again. I’ve never had a close a friend as Leonardo. Maybe that’s just what happens when you are friends with someone. Gen finds it hilarious but disturbing. I find it comforting. But in this moment, it is just a new beginning. 

Seasons they will change  
Life will make you grow  
Death can make you hard, hard, hard  
*********************************************************************************************  
That trip was years ago. So much has happened since then. We grew up. I learned what depression and PTSD were. I learned why the light in Leonardo’s eyes rarely stayed. I helped him cope. 

I fought battles. So did he. We’ve scared each other, ticked the other off, spend weeks together and then months apart. I learned what family was again. 

I came to value that look that Leonardo always shared with me. There would be days I would go through the portal and Leonardo would be to dead to even smile. Those days I dreaded the most. I feared I’d never see his smile again.

I always did. 

That look. It filled me with hope and strength. It reminded me that who I was before was gone. I am not the same ronin I was all those years ago.

Then that look is gone. Just like that. And a memory I can’t push away comes flooding in. And as it comes, I cry.


	4. Chapter 4

“We need to talk.”

He caught me by surprise. It’s not often when a portal opens up before you as you prepare for bed. Though, after all these years, I should suspect it.

Raphael’s form doesn’t speak hostility or pride like it normally does. In fact, he’s smaller, paler as if he hasn’t had any nourishment of any sort for days. 

I mull over him and bring up this new found teasing smile I got. “Hello, Raphael-san,” I say, shrugging off my swords and placing them besides the fire. “Wonderful to see your pleasant mug again. Where’s Leonardo?”

The flinch doesn’t go unnoticed, but Raphael stands taller as if protecting himself. “Usagi, I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm. Something’s happened. I’m here to-“

“There is always something happening,” I turn to him after prodding the fire. “What? Did Karai manage to-“

I choke. I see it now that he’s moved closer, the flames shining on him. Double Katana and straps hold to his back and chest. His bandana isn’t red but a dim blue. In his hand is fabric, flowing gently in the breeze. I’m on my feet in an instant, rocks probing at my naked feet. 

“What happened?” I hiss. Raphael leans away, no doubt fearing this boiling anger rising in me. “Where’s Leo-chan!?”

I rarely say that. Leo-chan. It feels too informal and tender. But he is my brother and chan he is. Raphael visibly recoils at the honorific and when he opens his eyes again, they are glass. 

He kneels, hunched in pain. After a moment, I kneel, too. We’re so close that our knees barley touch. I know what’s coming. I’ve dreaded it every time I left their lair. I’ve waited for the day that I would come and no blue masked boy would be there to greet me. 

Despite having that knowledge, it doesn’t make the punch any lighter. 

Raphael holds the mask out to me. His voice quivers, tears plainly spilling.

“He’s gone, Usagi,” he chokes. “Leo’s gone.”

I don’t know how long it is before I begin to scream. Seconds. Not even. I don’t know. But it scares me, the tear I feel widen in my heart. The darkness that suddenly engulfs me is too swift to stop. 

I find myself curled on my side next to Raphael, paws over my ears as I scream. Raphael is just as loud in his grievance and leans over me as if trying to protect me from some unknown force.

It doesn’t matter. Death is an old friend of mine. He wanders wherever I go. But today he’s played a cruel jest. He’s killed a piece of me an all to real sense. 

The world is ending. I let blue wash over me and I drown. 

Everything is temporary  
Everything will slide  
Love will never die, die, die  
*********************************************************************************  
Time is cruel. It lets you believe you have everything you could wish for, allows you to dwell in it then jerks it away as soon as it came. Time and fate have never been friends of mine. 

Raphael gave me Leonardo’s sword and mask. Said Leonardo would want me to have a piece of him. I subconsciously rub the black sword now attached to my hip. Willow branch I have given to Jotaro. He was honored. In its place I hold Leonardo’s katana and another blue sword I received from him. I named them after his swords. 

Musashi and Kamizumi. 

That brings me to another memory. I’m grateful for this one. It can cloud out the earlier one. My years don’t stop though. I doubt they will for a while. 

On Leonardo’s second trip, we witnessed a festival. I asked him about his holidays. My favorite one he talked about was Christmas. I wanted to see it with all my heart. Little did I know months later I would be free to attend such festivities. 

I rub my thumb over Kamizumi.

Christmas. What a wonderful week it was…

I know that ooh, birds fly in different directions  
Ooh, I hope to see you again  
Ooh, birds fly in every direction  
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high


	5. Chapter 5

The second I enter a dozen different sensations hit me. I hear Michelangelo and April clanging about in the kitchen. Behind me, Raphael yells as and Casey drag a tree through the pull-throughs. I dodge them. The female lizard and spiked turtle follow after him. 

Donatello is messing with the radio in his lab and I hear other animals and Karai and Shini running around in the dojo.

I feel like a stepped into a madhouse. Somewhere I don’t belong.

“LEO!” Raphael shouts,” Your rabbit is here!”

“Shut up, Raph,” Karai shouts back. 

I turn to the dojo. I hold my gift behind my back, letting it sink behind my shoulder blades. As Leonardo walks out, I notice the colorful lights and plants decorating the walls and ceiling of the lair. So pretty…

Leonardo strides to me, a red material in his hand. His bandana is down around his neck and he’s obviously been up in a tree, most likely decorating.

He grins as he shoves the material over my head. I flinch at the movement. “Merry Christmas!” he hollers.

I feel the hat. It covers my top knot and on the sides are flappy bits of fabric. He holds up his phone and I see the ears and the little puff ball behind my head.

“It’s tradition,” he states.

I smirk,” Oh, then where is your boshi, tsuki?”

He smirks back. “Taiyo, don’t make a fuss.”

Donatello yells and we look toward his lab, then back to each other. Behind me, Mona giggles and I know Raphael is flexing as he’s setting up that tree.

I shuffle and bring my gift from behind my back. “I brought you something. Kurisumasu migoto.”

I hold the black sheathed sword out to him. Leonardo’s eyes light up as he takes it from me. “ A sword! Wicked! I got you something, too!”

Then he takes off down the hall to his room, leaving me alone. I turn back to Raphael and his friends. The noise, smells and sounds invade me once more. April and Michelangelo are cooking something sweet in the kitchen. The chocolate and sugar smell is almost undetectable underneath the smell of the pine tree. Raphael and Casey are under the tree, putting it in a stand as the other turtle holds it straight. Music wafers from Donatello’s lab, filling the room with a cheery feeling. What is this holiday?

“Usagi!”

I turn right as April shoves something into my mouth. “Try this! Mike and I made it. I’m worried it doesn’t taste good.”

The thing is sweet. There is a soft layer on the top and the rest is like a soft cracker. I taste the chocolate immediately.

“April,” Leonardo scolds, appearing beside me,” easy with the cookies. They might be too rich-“

“It’s fine, Leonardo-san.” I say, though my mouth is full. I finish chewing and swallow. I bow to the kunoichi and state,” They taste wonder, O’Niel-san.”

The red-head smiles and bows, then walks back to the kitchen, telling Mikey-kun the recipe worked.

Leonardo laughs and we turn to each other. In his hands is a blue sheathed sword. He holds it out to me and bows. “My gift, Usagi-senpai.”

I grin and take it. “A sword. What a wonderful gift.”

I run my hand over the sword. The sheath is smooth metal, no doubt welded by Donatello. The handle is heavy and images of a rabbit are carved into it and the ridge around the handle and blade. 

Before I can look at the blade, Raphael yells, “Get a room, you two!”

“Raphael, don’t make me come out there!”

As Karai and Raphael begin their quarrel, Leonardo takes my arm and leads me to his room to set up our normal sleeping arrangements.

“Thank you for coming, Usagi. I know this has to be weird since you’re not Christian…”

“No offense at all, Leonardo-san.” I say,” I’m just as open minded as you.” He chuckles. As we approach the door, I question,” What are we to do for the next week?” 

“So you are staying for New Years?” The excitement in his voice is obvious. I nod. He grins and then turns to the door. “Well, we will be taking you sledding, Mike will probably want to make cookies with you. Tomorrow we’ll have a big dinner. We’ll binge watch classic Christmas movies. Christmas we’ll open gifts and read about the birth of Christ. Later today we’ll decorate the tree and after Christmas, we’ll head to the farmhouse, maybe go caroling. We’ll watch the ball drop there. Then you’ll be free to go.”

I don’t know half of what he says. By this point he has the tatami mat rolled out with blankets and pillows to complete it. I set the sword against the bed and cross my arms,” It doesn’t sound too bad.”

His grin turns dark. “That’s what you think. If you haven’t got to know us well enough yet, you’re about to.”  
***********************************************************************************************************************  
Leonardo was right. I knew nothing and I thought I did. Many times on that trip, I questioned why I was friends with teenagers. Rockwell, Leatherhead and Slash all eased my worries. But, I did have such a good time that I hardly wanted to leave.

I came to every Christmas after that. I wanted to sing and quote Charles Dickens and make cookies. I still don’t understand Christ but I know Leonardo’s belief is deep. I do not question it.

I value those days. I even got to bring Jotaro once and that was havoc in itself. I experienced other holidays, like Easter. Vowed to never come there during that holiday again. I came at Thanksgiving which made some sense to me. I came at Halloween. That one will forever scar me.

But Christmas…I loved it. 

Another firework goes off and I see myself lighting one at the farmhouse and running from it as it roared into the sky. Happy New Year…

The farmhouse…

I flinch. The song is almost over. Now I’m here at my final memory of Leonardo…and he’s not even alive…


	6. Chapter 6

When the moon is looking down  
Shinin light upon your ground  
I’m flyin up to let you see  
That the shadow cast is me

The trees pass by in a blur. My nerves drown out my nausea except when we make turns. I hate cars. I see why they are useful, but I hate them all the same.

The trip to the farmhouse is a five-hour drive. Five long, excruciating hours. No one wanted to come with us. Raphael himself was skeptical but he wants to see him, too. Mona came a long, wanting to support her fiancé. So, I sit in the back of the tinted van, arms crossed in discomfort, watching time float by. Raphael doesn’t try to make conversation. Mona tried but I couldn’t make myself care.

We take one last turn and I reach for the paper bag.

Raphael was saddened when I said I wanted to say good-bye. Reluctant, too. But he led me through the portal to the completely torn up lair and his terrorized family. We cried together that night. I was so adamant on seeing the grave. Seeing that it was true. Now that the farmhouse is in view, I regret my decision. 

Raphael tenses up and the dark atmosphere turns darker. He parks the car. No one moves until the kappa hits the wheel as hard as he can and screams. His fiancé consoles him, but I know it will do nothing. He’s dying. Yin and yang can’t survive without each other. I’m surprised he’s holding up the way he is. 

I get out of the car, keeping my eyes locked on the house. The new katana pokes my leg. Raphael climbs out. Mona doesn’t. HE comes around, feet dragging, his leather jacket sleeves cover his hands. He doesn’t look at me. 

“He’s next to Splinter. You go first. I…I need some time alone with him.”

“Stay as long as you need to, Raphael-san,” I state, “As soon as I’m done, I will go.”

He doesn’t argue. I leave the van, keeping my eyes down as I walk to the tree yards from the van.

The earth is still fresh from when they buried him. The lump enters my vision first and my heart leaps to my throat. I don’t want to look up. I don’t want to see English words with dashes and the Hamato signa. 

But I do and loose all control of my legs as I do so. His name in grey granite haunts me. Mocks me.

“You,” I hiss so slowly it’s a growl,” you…bakka. You…kappa! You deceived me…” Before I know it, I’m throwing dirt at the stone and screaming in my native tongue as loud as I can,” LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, KAME! WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO TELL JOTARO!? AND KINTARO!” Then I weaken and slump,” Or Lord Noriyuki or Tomoe Ame?”

They will be depressed at this. Maybe Tomoe Ame won’t take it too hard, or here Lord…but the kids…

I sigh. The sword, the new sword, prods into my hip and I flinch. Right. Good-bye. 

“Look, Leo-chan,” I say slowly, almost mechanically, “I don’t know what I’ll do in the future. Whether I come back or I try to forget but…”

I stop, feeling quite silly talking to a rock. But I’ve seen Leonardo do it many times before. If a ninja can do it, so can a Samurai. 

“Thank you, Kage.” I say, letting the tears slide as I mumble what I’ve come to say,” Thank you for sharing your family, your home and…” I pause, almost choking, “…and you’re love.”

I feel it. The crack in me. I feel the clock. I’m out of time. It’s time to go. It’s time. It’s time…

“I can’t say your name,” I choke, gripping the dirt, willing the corpse alive, willing time to go back. But it’s dragging me, the stones saying its time. I keep going,” I can’t even breathe anymore. What have you done to me! You’ve broken me! You did this! You demon! You-“

“Usagi…”

I freeze. The wind blows by my ears and I hear it. The voice of the ocean, stern but gentle. Leaves rustle but I am frozen still. 

“It’s okay.”

A hand, I assume Raphael’s, touches my shoulder. I don’t have time to see. I scream, anger, fear and sorrow ripping through me. I run. The turtle and his salamander women yell. I pump my arms and legs as fast as I can into the woods and into my own world. 

I didn’t know where to go. The stones take me to the only place I can think of. Tomoe Ame jumps to her feet as I run int through the portal. Lord Noriyuki falls back in surprise.

“Usagi-san, wha-“Then she sees my eyes and heavy breathing. Her eyes turn from worry to fear, “Usagi…what has happened?”

I have no words as I fall into her and cry.  
******************************************************************************************************8  
The song pauses for a moment, leaving complete silence. It catches me off guard and my breath hitches. My heart beats harder. Emptiness. Cold. Dark. No sound. No light. It fills me.

Then the tune starts again, gentle as if in the wake of a devastation. I feel like its mocking me. 

I know that ooh, birds fly in different directions  
Ooh, I hope to see you again

My fur is no longer dry. My hands are soaked from me trying to be rid of angry tears that won’t stop. It reminds me of Lord Noriyuki and Tomoe Ame. Once I finally got out that Leonardo was…gone. Tomoe Ame cried with me, giving me comfort. Noriyuki sent word out to all his villages. They know of the time Leonardo saved his life from Lord Hebi. They adored Leonardo.

He arranged this farewell façade. Lanterns and fireworks and good-bye feasts. He never got ot show Leonardo his appreciation. Not the way he wanted to. I smile. Leonardo has a way with young people. Blessing from having three brothers, I suppose. 

I allow the song to finish and go quite before turning the phone off. I can’t run forever. But only if I could. 

Ooh, birds fly in different directions  
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high  
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high  
Ooh, so fly high, so fly high

It’s silent. 

I watch red and white pop off the trees in front of me. Fireworks shine in my peripheral vision. I let my mind quiet and pray for the ache in my soul to stop…

“Beautiful colors aren’t they.”

No...


	7. Chapter 7

“Beautiful colors aren’t they.”

No. 

It’s the ocean voice again. But now it is calm, no anger in it. I refuse to look, trying to tell myself its not real. You’re going crazy. It’s not real.

I look anyway.

He sits, lying back on the roof, leaning on his elbows. He has no sheath, no belt. Just a god and white kimono and bandana. His blue eyes shine as he watches the fireworks, but the lights don’t reflect in them, showing he is a ghost. That or I’m losing my mind. I make a point to say that as well.

“You’re not real,” I say defiantly,” You’re just a hallucination.”

He chuckles, “No need to get mental. I’m the damaged one remember.” 

He looks at me. My heart hits my rib cage like a club. He has that look. The one we always shared. The one I miss so much. If this is a hallucination, it’s a dang good one. 

“Are you…are you real?” I question, not only to him, but to myself. 

He looks back to sky,” Does the microwave hate you?”

Yes. Would a mind be able to do that? Trick itself into believing something with a question like that? I don’t know. I don’t know…I want it to be real. So…if I am crazy…what do I have to lose?

“Leonardo…” I choke, saying his name for the first time in days. I choke again and the tears visit again,” Leo-chan.”

I reach for him, but he raises a hand, stopping me. His eyes turn serious rather than reflective. He says,” I came here not only to prove you wrong,” then gives me a sly smile, pointing our he’s a ghost and not mere atoms, “but to say thank you.”

I exhale slowly, “For what?”

His eyes turn sad. “For everything.” I frown. He begins again, very gentle and I take notice that he doesn’t have to inhale and exhale to speak. “I’ve had so many opposites in my life, Usagi.” He says my name so nonchalantly that it surprises me. It’s as if we’re having a normal conversation in the lair. He is still going, “you, Raph, Karai, you all meant so much to me and were so different from me. You taught me so much.”

He looks to me again. I exhale another deep breath and say, “How are you here?”

He shrugs. “Despite being eternally busy -that’s a thing in the afterlife- I, like my father, can visit others. I would talk to Raph since he’s practically killing himself but his mind is too clouded. They all are. Yours was the only one open enough despite pushing me out all the time.”

I snort. “Tends to happen when you’re in grief.” He simply smiles. After a moment of silence, I say, almost wishfully and I know its stupid and pointless to hope, but I ask anyway,” Can you stay?”

“…No…”

“…I wish you could…”

“You always did.”

“So did you.”

That silences him.

We sit, side by side, quiet. The old days were just like this. Riding, walking, sitting. I take it in. The mere presence, the lights, the sound. It’s-

“Itushi teru, Usagi-chan.”

“What?” I turn to Leonardo and start. He’s gone. A bird flies by my head and up, up, up into the black night flashing with gun powder.

Itushi teru, Usagi-chan. 

I slowly stand, steading myself on the slant of the roof and whisper to that bird, “Itushi teru, Leo-chan.”

Jotaro yells behind me, then Lord Noriyuki. A blue fire work goes off. I feel the stab at my heart with it, but ignore it. 

Leonardo maybe gone, but he’s still here spiritually. No doubt I will forget that sometimes but I also know Leonardo and I were brought together from two different worlds for a reason. 

Samurai and ninja. 

Mammal and reptile.

Taiyo and Tsuki.

Two birds flying two ways who would never have met if not for a demon. 

I chuckle and turn to my friends. It’s about time I join them.

Birds truly fly in different directions.


End file.
